saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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