Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
