Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
