Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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