Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
