strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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