he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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