You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
