I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
