I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
