Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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