I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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