dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
