If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
