this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
