She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
