if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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