no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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