He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
