i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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