So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
