is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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