Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
