Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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