Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
