Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
