A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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