Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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