Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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