What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
