I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
