How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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