when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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