Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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