I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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