Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
