You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to align my fucking chakras
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
