I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
