oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
