You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
