Already got asked if we're dating
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
