I skipped work to stalk him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
