Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
