At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
