Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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