Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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