Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There r osticjed everywhere
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize