Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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