and she was petting her beer can
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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