Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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