i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
