I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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