And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
