i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
