Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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