i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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